Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
