Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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