I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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