after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
