The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
