Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
