Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize