I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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