Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mom said you looked used
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize