i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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