I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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