Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize