I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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