Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
