porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
