The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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