high people should be assigned attendants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize