ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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