i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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