so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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