that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
