We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
