Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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