Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
