I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
