making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
