Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
