Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize