I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What a dumb baby whore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A+ Viking dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
