I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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