i was born a porn star she said
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is wine microwaveable?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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