I got chris browned last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
