so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
