i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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