im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
