I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
