there's paper in my vomit.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize