Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
