Don't you send me to vm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
