paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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