I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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