No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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