I've blown a few things in my day
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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