I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
