so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
