Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
