I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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