mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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