if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
