He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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