I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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