I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
