Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
