hotel room ftw
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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