Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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