if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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