Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think my cat just said my name.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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