I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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