so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
