fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
be right there i have to get my cape
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
