i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My life is pants optional.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
