when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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