paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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