I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
