So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am naked and annoyed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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