Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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