is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
