I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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