At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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